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Shaunti Feldhahn

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For Women Only, Revised and Updated Edition: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men Kindle Edition

by Shaunti Feldhahn (Author) Format: Kindle Edition

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REVISED AND UPDATED EDITION

Discover the Truth He Wants You to Know

The man in your life carries important feelings so deep inside he barely knows they’re there, much less how to talk about them. Yet your man genuinely wants you to “get” him—to understand his inner life, to know his fears and needs, to hear what he wishes he could tell you.

In her landmark bestseller, For Women Only, Shaunti Feldhahn reveals what every woman—single or married—needs to know. Based on rigorous research with thousands of men, Shaunti delivers one eye-opening revelation after another, including:
• Why your respect means more to him than your love.
• How he feels deep inside about his role as provider.
• What it means for a man to be so visually “wired.”
• Why sex for him is primarily emotional, not physical.
• What he most wishes he could say to you.

Now, in this expanded and updated edition, you’ll find insights from the latest brain research plus an all-new chapter that shows what’s really going on when he seems to “check out.” (You’ll be surprised and pleased.)

Millions worldwide have experienced dramatic change in their relationships because of the “aha” moments and practical ideas in this little book. Discover how to love your man for who he really is.

Print length

225 pages
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English
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Multnomah
Publication date

August 19, 2008
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4225 KB
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Editorial Reviews

Review

“Shaunti’s signature message, which she has shared around the world with millions of listeners, is life changing and something every woman needs to hear. Every time I have given someone this book, I have seen lives and marriages changed!”—Lysa TerKeurst, New York Times bestselling author of Made to Crave

“What an important book!”—Beth Moore, Bible teacher, bestselling author of So Long Insecurity

“You’re about to gain some fresh insight into some of the mysteries of masculinity. For Women Only is a book that I believe will provide understanding and bring harmony to a lot of marriages.”—Bob Lepine, cohost of FamilyLife Today

“Ready for an eye-opener? Shaunti Feldhahn has uncovered a mountain of meaningful information for any woman wanting to understand men at a profound level.”—Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, Seattle Pacific University and authors of Love Talk

“Men are in agreement on this one: For Women Only is one book every husband wishes his wife would read! It is a practical, thought-provoking message that will show you what you should do – and not do – when it comes to your relationship with the man in your life. Read it, and you’re bound to have many ‘aha!’ moments that could revolutionize your relationship.”—Valorie Burton, bestselling author of Successful Women Think Differently and What’s Really Holding You Back?

“Navigating the differences between men and women might be impossibility if it weren't for Shaunti's insight and inspiration. For Women Only is a treasure box that never seems empty of wisdom. Every time I dig in, my hands and heart emerge filled with tools that help me know myself better and relate to the people I love more effectively. If you've already read it, you should read it again. And if you are just opening these pages for the first time, buckle a seat-belt over your soul and get ready for a ride you won't soon forget.”—Priscilla Shirer, bestselling author of One in a Million

“For Women Only is the best book I have read for women, about men. Shaunti's research, facts and stories in this little book create an incredible read for all women. Single, married, divorced or not even allowed to date yet should all read this and come to understand the key truths that will help in your relationship with any man. I bought a copy, read it, was astonished, and then bought ten more and sent them to everyone on our team.”—Craig Gross, founder of XXXchurch

About the Author

Shaunti Feldhahn is a popular speaker, best-selling author, and groundbreaking social researcher. Her findings have been featured in media as diverse as Focus on the Family, FamilyLife Today, the New York Times, and Cosmo. With a master’s degree from Harvard University, Shaunti has worked on Wall Street and Capitol Hill. Now she applies her analytical skills to illuminating surprising truths about relationships. She and her husband, Jeff, live in Atlanta with their two children.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Light Bulb On!

How I Woke Up to What I Didn’t Know About Men

The other half of the people on the planet already know what you’re going to read in this book.

As newlyweds, my husband and I lived in Manhattan, and like all New Yorkers, we walked everywhere. But I quickly noticed something strange. Quite often we’d be strolling hand in hand and Jeff would abruptly jerk his head up and away. We’d be watching in-line skaters in Central Park or waiting to cross the street in a crowd, and he would suddenly stare at the sky. I started to wonder, Is something going on at the tops of these buildings?

Turns out, something was going on, but it wasn’t up in the buildings.

Have you ever been totally confused by something the man in your life has said or done? Looking at your boyfriend’s rapidly departing back, have you ever wondered, Why did that make him so angry? Have you ever been perplexed by your husband’s defensiveness when you asked him to stop working so much? Yeah? Me too.

But now, after interviewing and surveying thousands of men, I can tell you that the answers to those and dozens of other common perplexities are all related to what is going on in your man’s inner life. Most are things he wishes you knew but doesn’t know how to tell you. In many cases, they’re things he has no idea you don’t know. This book will share those interviews and those answers. But be careful. You might be slapping your forehead a lot!

I can tell you that the answers to dozens of common perplexities are related to what is going on in your man’s inner life.

How It All Started

Let me tell you how I got here. It all started with the research for my second novel, The Lights of Tenth Street. One of my main characters was a devoted husband and father. Because I had to put thoughts in his head, but had no idea what a guy would be thinking in a given situation, I interviewed my husband, Jeff, and many other male friends and colleagues. (“What would you be thinking if you were the character in this scene?”) It took me a while to figure out how to handle what I found.

You see, in many cases, what I heard stunned me. Not just because what the men were thinking was so surprising but because it was so foundational. These weren’t feelings that popped up every few months but were deep fundamental needs, fears, doubts, and thought patterns that occur in men every single day. It didn’t matter whether the man I was talking to was old or young; what his racial or cultural background was; whether he was married or single, a churchgoer or an atheist, a corporate executive or a factory line worker—I kept hearing similar things.

The character in my novel was a good guy who loved his wife and kids, was a devoted churchgoer and godly man, and a successful businessman. But he struggled with his thought life, especially the visual temptations that beckoned from every corner, from the secret traps of the Internet to the overt appeal of the miniskirt walking down the street. So, in short—and this is what shocked me—I discovered that instead of being unusual, my character was like almost every man on the planet. Including the faithful husbands I was interviewing.

That revelation led to a host of others, and following those trails led me to the thousands of personal and written interviews with men—including several professional, nationally representative surveys—that form the core of this book. I interviewed close friends over dinner and strangers in the grocery store, married fathers at church and the single student sitting next to me on the airplane. I talked to CEOs, attorneys, pastors, technology geeks, business managers, the security guard at Costco, and the guys behind the counter at Starbucks. I even interviewed a professional opera singer, a household-name movie star, and a former NFL offensive tackle with a Super Bowl ring. No one was safe.

From AudioFile

Maybe everything we know about the inner lives of men is already on the table--thus explaining why so few relationship guides like this seem interesting. Written by a newspaper columnist with a Christian perspective, this fairly intelligent guide is based on systematic surveys and is explained with the clarity of social science. (The authors has a Harvard degree.) With no ground-breaking insights to report, it's all the more impressive that Shaunti Feldhahn manages to read the book with such verve and attentiveness to the material. With charm and sincerity, she offers a message that can't be repeated often enough-that sharing feelings and giving appreciation are necessary practices for a satisfying relationship with any man. T.W. © AudioFile 2007, Portland, Maine-- Copyright © AudioFile, Portland, Maine

Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ B001E2NXBQ
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Multnomah; Revised, Updated ed. edition (August 19, 2008)
Publication date ‏ : ‎ August 19, 2008
Language ‏ : ‎ English
File size ‏ : ‎ 4225 KB
Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
Print length ‏ : ‎ 225 pages

Best Sellers Rank: #105,064 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #33 in Christian Marriage (Kindle Store)
- #71 in Christian Families
- #92 in Christian Dating & Relationships (Books)

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Author and Speaker: SHAUNTI FELDHAHN

Shaunti received her graduate degree from Harvard University and was an analyst on Wall Street before unexpectedly becoming a social researcher, best-selling author, and internationally renowned speaker.

Today, she applies her analytical skills to investigating eye-opening, life-changing truths about relationships, both at home and in the workplace.

Together, Shaunti's non-fiction books have sold more than 3 million copies in 25 languages and are widely read in homes, counseling centers and corporations worldwide.

In Shaunti's devotionals and Bible studies, she guides women to discover the path that will take them from frenzied to peace and joy when they lean into God's truths.

Shaunti’s findings have been featured in media as diverse as The Today Show, Focus on the Family, The New York Times, Family Life, and Cosmopolitan. Shaunti lives in Atlanta with her husband, Jeff and their two adult children.

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Carreen

Read it! Worth it!

Reviewed in the United States on April 2, 2024

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This book and the "for men only" book are the best books I've ever read. For couples beginning a relationship or years in already, this is a great and insightful book. I read them with the mindset to understand the men in my life, even to understand my sons, but in between, I also get to learn and understand myself better too. I don't feel so alone in my feelings and thoughts anymore, insecurities I have that I was feeling is just me being over sensitive or unreasonable about, I now understand better why I feep them and that I am not the only one. I feel more normal about it. Next I want to get the parenting book and the one for young men, for when my sons are a bit older.

Read it with the mindset to understand your partner and learn from it to be there for your partner better.

Parts in this book were some very tough pills to swallow, especially with a partner who entertain the bad habits that creates your insecurities and feeling alone in those feelings, but the for men only book really explain this well to them and if he really desires to learn about your wiring and emotional security and to nurture that, then he should read the men only book too

One person found this helpful

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G8R26

Opened my eyes …

Reviewed in the United States on April 8, 2024

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The results of the surveys were very enlightening. I have to say that many of the responses were exactly what I would have said had I had been one of the men interviewed.

One person found this helpful

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Bill Lane

What Women Want -- or need to know

Reviewed in the United States on October 12, 2013

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I first read "For Women Only" several years ago in an effort to find out why my wife of 30-plus years and I weren't happier in our marriage...oh, and I also wanted more sex, I must admit. Now, as a 60-plus dad, seeing a daughter's 21-year-old marriage likely ending soon, in brainstorming "How can I help save things and protect the grandkids?" this book popped into my head as a possible aid.

I remember its startling clarity and instant-opening up of what made my wife tick. Now, I am reading other readers' reviews and re-living those flashbulb moments all over again!

In the big picture, this book reminds me SO much of one of my all-time favorite movies, Mel Gibson's "What Women Want" (minus the ridiculous pantyhose / shaving scenes and unfortunate bad language at times.) Women have always seemed truly unknowable and difficult, if not impossible to please...and they talk ENDLESSLY! Now I know why...or at least have a beginner's appreciation for how complex they are.

Even though it has been several years, I still recall learning from author Shaunti Feldhaun that women can seriously multi-task in their heads, effortlessly, and without screwing it all up! I STILL struggle with this, as my so-different male brain constantly tells me that my wife isn't paying "close attention" to me as I read a short clip from the newspaper---as her eye contact is ALWAYS elsewhere.

Similarly, my wife was astonished to find out that I can be gazing off into space and not be thinking of ANYTHING.

We were both reassured that I'm "normal" by being "affected" by lingerie ads in the Sunday newspaper circulars, while she pays no attention. And so on.

MAJOR revelations, in the first reading. And so I bought the For Men Only" companion and we read both books together. (We need to do it again....and again. The natural man forgets this stuff fairly easily.)

It truly IS in my nature to want to please my wife, but I never associated that with things like doing expected chores without being asked, etc. I've read a whole bunch of these relationship books (Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands [ASIN:0060520620 The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands], also PC&F of Marriage[ASIN:0061142824 The Proper Care & Feeding of Marriage], both by Dr. Laura; Why Venus & Mars Collide by J. Gray[ASIN:0061242977 Why Mars and Venus Collide: Improving Relationships by Understanding How Men and Women Cope Differently with Stress], Sheet Music by Leman [ASIN:0842360247 Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage], Waffles/Spaghetti by the Farrels [ASIN:0736919619 Men Are Like Waffles--Women Are Like Spaghetti: Understanding and Delighting in Your Differences], The 5 Sex Needs of Men & Women by the Rosbergs [ASIN:B00FFBLMHO The 5 Sex Needs of Men & Women (Paperback) - Common], No More Headaches by Slattery [ASIN:1589975383 No More Headaches: Enjoying Sex & Intimacy in Marriage], Is That All He Wants by Maria Taviano, and many others). But I'd have to rate Feldhaun's landmark books at the top for the "getting inside each other's heads" level of discovery. "Collide" also has excellent and memorable metaphors and very practical insights, so it comes in a close second, for ME.

Unlike with Mel, in the movie, we may not be able to know exact thoughts as they occur in our spouse's head, but we can remember tendencies, priorities, honesty, and patience. And better understand why each responds so differently in the same event we share. We can know what truly is pleasing to the other, and how to truly love them --- even though they are SO DIFFERENT (!)--- as the Savior would have us do. Thanks, Shaunti !!!

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Traci A. Ohren

Good read

Reviewed in the United States on April 7, 2024

Very informative.

RESPECT, find out what it means to me...takes on a whole new truly relevant meaning

Reviewed in the United States on February 22, 2015

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This is truly a must read for any woman! I think the key point to take home is that men need to feel respected like we need to feel loved and that these primary needs we have are just different enough that our approach to everyday issues is very different. Who knew that guys perceive reminders as an affront to their abilities? Who knew most men would rather feel unloved than disrespected? Who knew that the simple day to day things we sometimes say and do can challenege our mens' sense of manhood? This book answered some questions about men's behavior for me. I too thought that his walking away was a negative thing but it turns out most men need to withdraw to process how they are going to respond/proceed.
The author lists key points in how men process thoughts and actions differently from women when it comes to their relationships and cites data she and her team collected. She uses examples and quotations which aid in the eye opening messages she gives.
The men are visual and lust is wired into them part was fascinating. I would caution that this book has a progressively Christian slant to it and so this section becomes apologetic to a fault. I would tell the author that "Ok, I get it, men are visual. You started to lose me when you got defensive for men and then got too religious about it. Sometimes presenting facts is enough said." The author describes how men have a photo library of visual images that they are wired to collect constantly while women generally are not. As an example she cites her husband's asking her whether after seeing an attractive male actor onscreen she ever found herself seeing that image the next day. He was shocked she said never. I would say never also. She goes on to say how pornography can be so appealing to some men because of the visual images and the inherent "I want you". She gets quite defensive of how men are wired to lust after women. I have ZERO issue with my hubby appreciating beauty in any form. He is evolved enough to say things like "yeah that guy is hot, don't you think honey? Heck if I were a woman I'd be into him!" So I can validate his visual sense and say similar things back about beautiful women. I think he has fewer struggles with the visual thing for 3 reasons; 1) he is artistic so he appreciates beauty for what it is 2) he can very easily separate appreciation of beauty from a sense of guilt or sin or wrong doing of any kind. 3) he is not in fear of religion. And THAT is where the over zealousness re sin, lust etc in the book started to grate on me. Getting too religious about it all had a backhanded effect on me. I didn't need all the Biblical references and metaphors, analogies.
That being said the basic tenets of the book are fascinating, eye opening and the author is quite successful at showing how critical understanding these tenets is to a successful relationship.
This book taught me that I need to tell my husband (and my son also for that matter, so he can feel empowered as he embarks on his life's journey as a man - another AHA moment I had listening to this book) the many words of praise and appreciation I use telling other people how wonderful he is. It's not about his missing a small detail somewhere in the day to day but what we BOTH need is for me to voice my appreciation so he can feel loved the way he needs it and so that I can feel the full impact of his love back. Doing this is the single most important thing he needs from me.
There's a good section on sex and male/female differences in perception of it's role in a relationship. Not as eye opening as some other points she presents.
This is not a ultra conservative, woman is subservient message. It's a very positive and loving, don't assume cause you're likely to assume wrong message.
I would tell my children to pick a mate based on how they would envision each other being open to the message of this book. I think I would even give this book and it's companion for men (I haven't read it yet but deduce what it might say based on this one) as engagement gifts...or sooner.

A worthy read/listen. I guess I would tell my "sisters" out there, don't be too rigid about the actual words of the book, but really listen to the message behind it. If you let your man know/feel how much you truly appreciate what he is and does in all the ways that matter, to him and to you, he will feel empowered and be more loving.

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Top reviews from other countries

derek

A must have book!

Reviewed in Canada on April 1, 2024

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This book is fantastic. Every marriage needs this!

Client d'Amazon

Great book

Reviewed in France on November 3, 2022

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So many insights I didn't have were uncovered here and I really loved it and definitely will implement it in my life

Meriam

Great Book

Reviewed in Germany on May 27, 2018

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As someone who is still young and in a relationship, it was quite interesting to see how men work. Shanty Feldhahn did an amazing job, not only explaining but also provoking the reader to think about their actions. As women we often tend to want to fix things and often also our partners, but what I've learned is that excepting them for who they are, their manly nature, will give you strength to be the loving spouse that your partner deserves. I'd recommend it to anybody in a heartbeat.

Natasha Kapil

Eyeopener

Reviewed in India on May 12, 2017

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An eyeopener....if you want to know what is that thing which is going wrong in your relationship....ladies just read this.......

One person found this helpful

B. Queiroz

Men are fascinating creatures :)

Reviewed in Italy on January 10, 2017

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This is a simple book, with no pretensions to exhausting the subject; but it is clear, direct and useful. And not only for women in a relationship - it made me understand a few things about my father and brother, and see ways in which I can have a better relationship with them. It also made me want to be in a long-term committed romantic relationship with a man - it must be a fascinating thing to be that close to one of these incredible creatures! :)

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