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Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane) Kindle Edition

4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 728 ratings

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Safety skills for children outside the home
Warning signs of sexual abuse
How to screen baby-sitters and choose schools
Strategies for keeping teenagers safe from violence

All parents face the same challenges when it comes to their children's safety: whom to trust, whom to distrust, what to believe, what to doubt, what to fear, and what not to fear. In this empowering book, Gavin de Becker, the nation's leading expert on predicting violent behavior and author of the monumental bestseller
The Gift of Fear, offers practical new steps to enhance children's safety at every age level, giving you the tools you need to allow your kids freedom without losing sleep yourself. With daring and compassion, he shatters the widely held myths about danger and safety and helps parents find some certainty about life's highest-stakes questions:

How can I know a baby-sitter won't turn out to be someone who harms my child? (see page 103)
What should I ask child-care professionals when I interview them? (see page 137)
What's the best way to prepare my child for walking to school alone? (see page 91)
How can my child be safer at school? (see page 175)
How can I spot sexual predators? (see page 148)
What should I do if my child is lost in public? (see page 86)
How can I teach my child about risk without causing too much fear? (see page 98)
What must my teenage daughter know in order to be safe? (see page 191)
What must my teenage son know in order to be safe? (see page 218)
And finally, in the face of all these questions, how can I reduce the worrying? (see page 56)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Be warned: In many ways this is a terrifying book. It deals with a subject--violence against children--that most of us never want to consider. But, as Gavin de Becker stresses, such situations, though rare, can occur, so all parents must deal with the facts in order to protect their children properly. De Becker's aim is to create awareness of potential dangers and provide parents with the knowledge necessary for prevention and control. As he emphatically states in Protecting the Gift, much of this knowledge is already hard-wired in the form of intuition: "This natural ability is deep, brilliant, powerful. Nature's greatest accomplishment, the human brain, is stunningly efficient when its host is at risk, but when one's child is at risk, it moves to a whole new level, one we can justifiably call miraculous." The trick, he stresses, is trusting and acting on intuition.

In this valuable, even necessary, book, he shatters many myths about the typical profiles of regular offenders and the prevalence of such problems as sexual abuse and kidnapping. He also deconstructs the wisdom of traditional maxims such as "Never talk to strangers" and "If you are ever lost, go to a policeman." Without offering a compendium of every conceivable danger, he identifies warning signals and real risks that are often easy to spot once you know what to look for. He offers practical advice on recognizing signs of sexual abuse, choosing a baby sitter or nanny, how to prepare kids for walking to school alone, and how to teach children about potential risks without making them afraid to venture out of the house. And he continually stresses that denial and ignoring intuition are the biggest mistakes that parents make in protecting their kids from those that mean them harm. Well written and infinitely informative, Protecting the Gift affords parents more confidence and less reason for unnecessary worry. --Shawn Carkonen

From Publishers Weekly

Dostoyevski said that child abuse is evil because it destroys a childs faith in the goodness of God. In this painstakingly practical yet impassioned guide, de Becker, author of last years bestselling The Gift of Fear, demonstrates that a child who was himself abused can grow up to be a vigilant protector of the gift of childrens innate faith in the goodness of life. Writing with a precision honed from his long experience as a security expert predicting violence in order to protect high-profile clients, and with a depth born of his own childhood understanding of how it feels to be hurt by the adult you love, de Becker describes how we can keep our children safe. Although he devotes separate chapters to the special threats facing children and teens, females and males (the murderous romance of boys and guns is covered), his basic message is encapsulated in 12 steps. Echoing his previous book, the first step involves teaching children to honor their feelingsspecifically, the intuition that makes them fear certain people. Children also need a parents permission to be assertive, to defy adults, to yell and fully resist. Throughout, de Becker stresses a childs need to trust that a parent will be open to listen about any experience, no matter how unpleasant. He opens and concludes with tales of ordinary mothers who overcame their doubts and inhibitions to experience a brilliantly intuitive wild brain as they fought off attackers to protect their children. De Becker offers a guide to fostering this fierce intelligence in our kids, ourselves and our society. Everyone in contact with children should read this important book. It can help save lives. BOMC, QPB and Childrens BOMC featured alternates; first serial to USA Weekend; second serial to Good Housekeeping; author tour.
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B00B6OVOHC
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Dell; Reprint edition (May 15, 2013)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ May 15, 2013
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 1682 KB
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 354 pages
  • Page numbers source ISBN ‏ : ‎ 0440509009
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 728 ratings

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Gavin de Becker
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Gavin de Becker is a three-time presidential appointee whose pioneering work has changed the way our government evaluates threats to our nation's highest officials. His firm advises many of the world's most prominent media figures, corporations, and law enforcement agencies on predicting violence, and it also serves regular citizens who are victims of domestic abuse and stalking. De Becker has advised the prosecution on major cases, including the O.J. Simpson murder trial. He has testified before many legislative bodies and has successfully proposed new laws to help manage violence.

Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
728 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book informative and valuable. They appreciate the practical advice and real-world tips for keeping children safe. The writing style is described as easy to understand and well-written. However, opinions differ on the pacing - some find it fascinating and necessary, while others feel the subject matter is frightening.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

122 customers mention "Readability"122 positive0 negative

Customers find the book easy to read and engaging. They consider it a must-read for parents as it provides practical advice to keep children safe. The author is well-received, and the writing style is compelling.

"...This book can also help you begin an age-appropriate dialogue with your child, a dialogue that can and should mature as your child does...." Read more

"This book should be required reading for every parent, grandparent, nanny and childcare giver!..." Read more

"...Still, this is a powerful book. I read it without stopping for sleep, so I can assure you that it is indeed well written...." Read more

"...It is very interesting and encouraging to read about how to do that...." Read more

95 customers mention "Information quality"95 positive0 negative

Customers find the book informative and practical. It provides useful advice, acronyms, and stories. The author does a good job of explaining con artist techniques. It helps shape conversations with kids and makes them feel more confident in their choices.

"...The advice given here is practical and easy to implement, whether you're looking for a baby sitter, wondering if those security guards at your kid's..." Read more

"...The book provides insight not only into what predators look for in a victim, it also gives concrete guidelines for preventing you and your child..." Read more

"...De Becker teaches us all new ways of thinking and new ways of being and new ways of protecting our children and ourselves from abuse, abduction,..." Read more

"...It is very interesting and encouraging to read about how to do that...." Read more

64 customers mention "Safety"64 positive0 negative

Customers find the book provides practical, real-world tips for keeping children safe. They say it's a must-read for parents, especially those who face fears of threats. The book dispels the myth of stranger danger and makes it less scary for young kids. It also helps them understand dangerous people, including deniers.

"...predators look for in a victim, it also gives concrete guidelines for preventing you and your child from become a victim...." Read more

"...us all new ways of thinking and new ways of being and new ways of protecting our children and ourselves from abuse, abduction, violence, crime...." Read more

"...and it's wonderful to be on the same page as far as safety and trusting other adults." Read more

"Highly informative & a must read to keep your children/family safe in this unsafe world" Read more

28 customers mention "Writing style"24 positive4 negative

Customers find the writing style easy to understand and well-written. They describe the book as informative, well-organized, and practical. Readers mention it's a wonderful read and not easily put down.

"...The advice given here is practical and easy to implement, whether you're looking for a baby sitter, wondering if those security guards at your kid's..." Read more

"...without stopping for sleep, so I can assure you that it is indeed well written...." Read more

"I read it in two days. It’s well-written and compelling. One book that every parent who loves their child should read AT LEAST once...." Read more

"...Author is an incredible expert, who writes simply and easy to understand...." Read more

13 customers mention "Pacing"5 positive8 negative

Customers find the book fascinating and informative with useful advice and stories. However, some readers feel the subject matter is frightening to face, and the book seems like fearmongering.

"...But despite the frightening theme and terrifying stories, I finished this book feeling empowered...." Read more

"...It is full of practical advice, useful acronyms and jolting stories...." Read more

"...His writing style makes it an easy read, but the stories he shares are somewhat unsettling because they are a parents worst nightmare...." Read more

"Gavin De Becker has compiled a very thorough, interesting, readable, and *essential* guide to keeping children safe in our world...." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on October 21, 2013
    De Becker writes that fear is a gift: it's that intuitive voice--gut feeling, hunch--that helps us recognize a potential threat and stay safe. As with most things in life, you want a balance: too little fear, and we miss out on warning signals that can keep us safe; too much fear, and we'll never know what is really a threat and what isn't.

    De Becker's book achieves this balance masterfully. He doesn't shy away from painful and fear-inducing topics, but they are tempered with real world statistics that shed light on when our fears have a basis in fact, and when they don't. (Kidnapping by a stranger, for example, isn't nearly the threat you may think it is based on what you see in the media.) He helps us look at the hard truths, and then gives us expert guidance on dealing with those realities. The advice given here is practical and easy to implement, whether you're looking for a baby sitter, wondering if those security guards at your kid's school really make your kid safer, or don't know how to really determine if your child is ready to be left home alone. This book can also help you begin an age-appropriate dialogue with your child, a dialogue that can and should mature as your child does.

    I'm writing this review as I'm finishing this book for the second time. A few years have passed since my first read, and as my daughter has gotten older, I'm taking away different things from this book. I'm less interested in choosing a babysitter, for example, and more interested in preparing my daughter to be out in the world on her own. Whatever age your child is, from toddler to young adult, there is information here that will benefit you and your family.

    I think this book should be required reading for all parents and grandparents, and that it should be re-read on a regular basis. The information in this book is that important.
    23 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on August 8, 2012
    This book should be required reading for every parent, grandparent, nanny and childcare giver!

    Gavin de Becker's Protecting the Gift focuses on a scary topic for anyone caring for kids. But despite the frightening theme and terrifying stories, I finished this book feeling empowered. The book provides insight not only into what predators look for in a victim, it also gives concrete guidelines for preventing you and your child from become a victim.

    Any parent who thinks "It can't happen to us" should consider the sobering statics from the book: 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys have had sexual contact with a predator! And most of the time, the predator isn't a stranger, it is a family member, neighbor or friend.

    Two of the most valuable aspects of this book for me include:

    1. Trust your instincts. Mr. de Becker writes about this extensively, and how we are so conditioned to be polite we put ourselves at risk, even when our instincts warn us.

    2. The Test of Twelve - the Twelve skills every child should have before they are permitted to venture out on their own. These skills really helped me define the line between free-range kids and helicopter parenting!

    The only thing I wanted more of was how to teach my child some of the skills without scaring her. Advice on how to talk to my child about some of these concepts, such as when someone tells you don't tell, you must tell. It is likely that such conversations with children are outside of Mr. de Becker's expertise, and I will be researching some of the other materials that he references in the book for that level of information.

    I sincerely hope that Mr. de Becker will consider writing an updated version to include social media - a growing issue and concern.

    I cannot recommend this book enough. I listened to the unabridged audio version, but also own a hardcopy that I use as reference. I can tell you that I will be re-listening and re-reading this for many years.

    Moving onto The Gift of Fear next . . .
    25 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on May 2, 2002
    I almost gave this book four stars, but only because it has a few flaws, where De Becker's THE GIFT OF FEAR was not only flawless, but taught me more than any one book has ever taught me. Still, this is a powerful book. I read it without stopping for sleep, so I can assure you that it is indeed well written.
    De Becker shows parents and other adults every facet of possible victimization of children and how to avoid it. When he is teaching his readers, which is always, he uses brilliant examples that we can all relate to. Take this as an example: "I would ask which is sillier: waiting a moment for the next elevator, or placing her child and herself into a soundproof sterel chamber with a stranger she is afraid of?" Succinctly, he teaches, in that one sentence, so much. How many times have all of us pushed ourselves into an elevator with someone who made us afraid?
    De Becker's challenge is to empower us as parents, and empower us he does, just as he empowered us in THE GIFT OF FEAR. He instructs us all on using our intuition to make life or death decisions. I can still recall a time when my son, then just very small, and I were staying at a luxurious hotel. We went to the top-floor pool and walked right into a burglary. How I managed to get myself and my son out of there calmly and completely is a testament to De Becker's lessons on the incredible strength of a mother whose baby is threatened.
    De Becker teaches us all new ways of thinking and new ways of being and new ways of protecting our children and ourselves from abuse, abduction, violence, crime.
    De Becker's appendices are worthwhile, too, with listings of excellent books and important organizations.
    This is a book I would recommend to anyone who loves a baby, child, or adolescent.
    31 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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  • Suzanne Desjardins
    5.0 out of 5 stars Bon livre
    Reviewed in Canada on October 24, 2024
    Un livre très intéressant mais il faut savoir qu'il reprend de long extrait de "La peur qui vous sauve".
  • Icanstopshoppinganytime
    5.0 out of 5 stars Must read book for parents
    Reviewed in Germany on August 2, 2023
    For parents who discount their intuition - any parent must read both Gift of Fear and this book.
  • Trucbidule
    5.0 out of 5 stars une lecture indispensable
    Reviewed in France on May 22, 2013
    Quand on est parent, la sécurité de ses enfants est une préoccupation majeure. Ce livre s'appuie sur des exemples concrets et donne des solutions faciles à mettre en œuvre. Il aide à prendre conscience de l'absurdité de certaines injonctions qu'on peut donner aux enfants : "ne parle jamais à des inconnus", "va faire la bise à la dame" etc. Surtout il nous apprend que l'enfant est un acteur important de sa propre sécurité, qu'il faut faire confiance à son instinct.

    C'est vraiment un livre important à lire, même si le sujet abordé est anxiogène, l'approche de l'auteur n'est pas du tout alarmiste. Il montre qu'au final il est relativement facile de prendre les mesures nécessaires pour éviter autant que possible les prédateurs.
  • Stace
    5.0 out of 5 stars A must have...
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 14, 2012
    This book is a 'must have' for all parents, and came as a real revelation to me! I just wish I'd had it years ago when my son was much younger. It gives you some really basic (but obvious) things to think about which as adults you take for granted, but it makes you think about things from a child's perspective.

    Would highly recommend this book...
  • Jode
    5.0 out of 5 stars I'm half way through and learning a lot
    Reviewed in Canada on November 2, 2024
    A great book that I will recommend

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