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A Loving Life: In a World of Broken Relationships Kindle Edition

4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 545 ratings

Having successfully helped readers develop a solid prayer life with the best-selling release of A Praying Life, author Paul Miller applies his expertise to an even more important issue—love. After all, love is what holds all things together, it’s what we’re looking for, it’s what we all need, and it’s what we must learn how to give. But loving people is hard. Our neighbors, friends, kids, spouses, and even our enemies require a relentless, self-giving demonstration of love that only God can produce within us. Taking his cues from the perseverance and faithfulness portrayed in the book of Ruth, Miller sheds light on a biblical portrait of love that is sure to give us hope and transform our souls. Here is the help we need to embrace relationship, endure rejection, cultivate community, and reach out to even the most unlovable as we discover the power to live a loving life.  

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Editorial Reviews

Review

“I’m not exaggerating when I say that this is the most honest, timely, and helpful book I’ve ever read about the costly and exhausting demands of loving well. And at the same time, A Loving Life is the most faithful, alluring, and encouraging presentation of God’s love for us in Jesus I’ve fed on in years. These two themes go hand in hand. Through the biblical story of Ruth, Paul Miller gives us hope, not hype―the freedom to suffer well, stay present, and live expectantly in all of our relationships. Thank you, Paul, for making the gospel more beautiful and believable to me.”
Scotty Smith, Pastor Emeritus, Christ Community Church, Franklin, Tennessee; Teacher in Residence, West End Community Church, Nashville, Tennessee

“Every once in a great while one reads a book that is so profound, so fresh, and so life changing that you can’t get it out of your mind or your heart. A Loving Life is that kind of book. Walk with Paul Miller, Ruth, and Naomi to the place of real love, and you’ll never again settle for a substitute. Read this book, rejoice in it, and give it to everyone you know. They will bless you for giving it to them as I bless Paul Miller for writing it.”
Steve Brown, Host, Key Life radio program; author, Three Free Sins: God Isn't Mad At You

“Reading this book nourished me deeply. With caring attentiveness especially to often-overlooked ‘modern’ widows and widowers, Paul Miller gently pastors us through the story of two courageous, hesed-embracing single women, Naomi and Ruth. He invites us to embrace the death at the center of covenant love and to learn it as the downstroke of reality―the upstroke of which is ever the grace of surprising resurrection. In Christ, Christians all, and the world, reap the far-reaching blessing of these unlikely benefactresses. And we do again in this little book.”
Esther L. Meek, Professor of Philosophy, Geneva College; author, Loving to Know: Introducing Covenant Epistemology; A Little Manual for Knowing

“The book of Ruth is about hesed, a loyal love, that Ruth shows to Naomi, Boaz shows to Ruth, and, behind the scenes, God demonstrates to his people. Paul Miller not only brilliantly explains the story of Ruth, but also shows how hesed love can transform us and our relationships. I highly recommend this book.”
Tremper Longman III, Distinguished Scholar and Professor Emeritus of Biblical Studies, Westmont College

“Being married to Joni, a longtime quadriplegic, I know my marriage vows are always in need of polishing. And Paul Miller’s new book fits the bill; I’ve yellow-highlighted nearly every page. A Loving Life reinforces that the best―the only―kind of love is one-way and without an exit strategy. If you are looking to shore up the for-better-or-for-worse, in-sickness-and-in-health promises in your marriage, you couldn’t lay your hands on a better read.”
Ken Tada, Director of Ministry Development, the Joni and Friends International Disability Center

“‘Death is the center of love.’ Miller’s insight comes as he beautifully retells the story of Ruth in terms of the gospel, revealing a path of love more dear and deep than our cultural icons and distractions can create, and more precious than any pursuit of self can dream. Here is love vast, unmeasured, boundless, free, and freeing.”
Bryan Chapell, Stated Clerk, Presbyterian Church in America

“The word love is often either a vague sentiment or just another four-letter word. But in Paul Miller’s hands, the quiet, compelling reality emerges. You will witness how love is thoughtful, principled, courageous, enduring, and wise―all the things you know deep down it should be. And even more than those fine things, you will be surprised and delighted at how true love is grounded in God.”
David Powlison, Late Executive Director, Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation

“Paul Miller reminds us with boldness and insight that a relationship with Jesus Christ means journeying with him to the cross, where we most know of the love of God for us. As such, it is the only path to learning to incarnate that love ourselves―and so to dance to the Spirit’s constant rhythm of being loved and loving others.”
Joseph "Skip" Ryan, Minister, Park Cities Presbyterian Church; Moderator, General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church in America

“I was sure that Paul Miller’s A Praying Life had to be his greatest, but A Loving Life is better. How can we care for others much more than for ourselves? How can we escape from the slippery pit of our ‘feel good’ culture? Keep going through the book of Ruth and discover good and godly ordinary life, and how you can live it in an extraordinary way―the way of love, God’s way.”
D. Clair Davis, Emeritus Professor of Church History, Westminster Theological Seminary

A Loving Life is a worthy successor to Paul Miller’s much-appreciated book on prayer. It is a careful, thorough analysis of the book of Ruth, understanding it as a love story and making good applications to our own experiences and needs for love. Paul here shows not only a deep understanding of God’s Word, but also a rich knowledge of human nature, both in the ancient world and today. He offers biblical responses to many of the misunderstandings and problems we have with love of all kinds. May the Lord give this book a broad readership!”
John M. Frame, Professor of Systematic Theology and Philosophy Emeritus, Reformed Theological Seminary

“If there is a message the world needs more to hear and to start obeying than the one Paul Miller brings here, I don’t know what it is. Beautifully written and attested by plenty of personal experience, A Loving Life unearths dimensions of the book of Ruth I had never noticed, and will now never forget.”
Andrée Seu Peterson, Senior Writer, World magazine

About the Author

PAUL E. MILLER is executive director of seeJesus as well as the best-selling author of A Praying Life, among other works. With the help of his ministry staff, Miller creates and conducts interactive discipleship seminars throughout the world. He and his wife, Jill, live in the Philadelphia area and have six children as well as a growing number of grandchildren.

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B00HDHUUIU
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Crossway (January 31, 2014)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ January 31, 2014
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 5374 KB
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 178 pages
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 545 ratings

About the author

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Paul E. Miller
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Paul E. Miller is executive director of seeJesus, the global discipling mission he founded in 1999 to help Christians and non-Christians alike “see Jesus.” Today, seeJesus works in over 30 countries and has books and interactive Bible study materials translated into at least a dozen languages.

Paul is the author of more than a dozen interactive Bible studies and books, including the best-selling A Praying Life and J-Curve. If you read any of Paul’s writing, you’ll quickly see that he loves to tell stories—most of which start with his own failures and mishaps and end with God’s faithfulness. Paul is married to Jill, who is known for her sense of humor and faith. They have six children and a growing number of grandchildren and live in the Philadelphia area. Follow @_PaulEMiller on Twitter, listen to the Seeing Jesus with Paul Miller podcast, or learn more at seeJesus.net.

Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
4.7 out of 5
545 global ratings
Strengthened In Love...
3 Stars
Strengthened In Love...
I liked the book although there is some small draw backs. But if you're wanting to learn how to love, he takes an awesome yet unique approach from the book of Ruth on hashing out a selfless love in this self serving world. The only draw back is that occasionally he draws more from the story than what is given to make his point at times. Overall though you can plainly see God's example of how we should walk in love towards others. Oh, and lastly, good luck getting a response from the author if you have any questions. I tried a couple of times, well, through Twitter. He was unresponsive. Eitherway, it's a good read and I do recommend it as it points to scripture! 👍🏾✌🏾️
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Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on March 30, 2015
In this follow-up book from A Praying Life, Miller’s A Loving Life is really a devotional commentary on the Book of Ruth. As I read through this book, I realized that the story of Ruth is about the heart-wrenching transition of Naomi & Ruth. This book drips with the gospel; Miller beautifully shows a cruciform life reflected in Naomi, Ruth, & Boaz. I was greatly helped by his definition of hesed love as a “one-way, stubborn love… that isn’t centered on fairness” but centered on death and ends in resurrection.

I began to read this book on my darkest day in 2014. Much of this book was read with tears; and I found a very healing read about God’s hesed love in the Gospel according to Ruth. To give you a taste of Miller’s mastery of gospel-centered living, consider his conceptual model he calls the “J-curve“. Christian Scholars say that a biblical worldview of history is linear instead of cyclical; but the line is not flat, says Miller; “it is actually shaped like a J, beginning with life and then going down into death and then upward to resurrection, a J-curve. Jesus lives a J-curve. He describes his life as a seed dying and rising again (John 12:24). Gospel stories are possible only because God actively shapes history, bringing life where there is death” (p. 68).

I agree with Miller that our hearts were made for gospel stories. All of our lives must go through the dip in the J, what Peter Scazzero calls “the Wall” and what David calls “the Valley” in Psalm 23. Before there is new life, there must always be a death. Miller provides extremely helpful pastoral insight to living-out this J-curve shaped life:

“[God teaches] us to love by overloading our systems so we are forced to cry for grace. God permits our lives to become overwhelming, putting us on the downward slope of the J-curve so we come to the end of ourselves. I encouraged my friend to embrace the downward path, not to push against it or worry about where his feelings were with his wife… Seeing the gospel as a journey remaps our stories by embedding them in the larger story of Jesus’s death and resurrection. His normal becomes our normal” (p. 69).

Miller then shares what he has learned by going through the J-curve.

* We don’t know how or when resurrection will come. It is God’s work, not ours.
* We don’t even know what a resurrection will look like. We can’t demand the shape or timing of a resurrection.
* Jesus, we must embrace the death that the Father has put in front of us. The path to resurrection is through dying, not fighting.
* If we endure, resurrection always comes. God is alive!

“We can’t do death. But we can’t do resurrection. We can’t demand resurrection—we wait for it” (p. 71). I was at the bottom of the “J” when I picked up this book: I had to die to a vision that I was not willing to let go. Watching Ruth die over and over, helped me die; and I found that my heart was re-oriented to love again. Resurrection quietly came. If you find yourself fighting in the bottom of the J, and you are confused about what is coming next in your life, then this book might really encouraged your soul.
6 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on January 15, 2024
What a great study of the life of Ruth. Hesed love will transform your life. Great lessons throughout all pointing to God's Hesed of us.
Reviewed in the United States on June 2, 2015
This timely and much needed book addresses the most important issue ever to face a human: how to live in relationship with someone else. Refreshingly, Miller's wisdom is not directed at any one relationship, and can be applied wherever we find ourselves interacting with another person, even God. His writing drips with the gospel of grace and encourages, comforts, and uplifts people struggling to live in that grace and show it to one another.

It is an easy read––Miller has an effortless, conversational style that moves smoothly and quickly and doesn't leave you bored or confused at any point. He doesn't use Christian-ghetto jargon and avoids controversy or too-minute theology: his aim here is practical help for real life people, and he accomplishes it well. He uses the book of Ruth as his template, but although it is an excellent resource for the Bible reader, it is not a commentary or Bible study manual. It's more of a conversation about life than dissection of a literary text. But don't get me wrong, his exegesis is sound and he certainly gives very helpful insights into the history, context, meaning, and application of this interesting Old Testament book.

This is perhaps the only book I intend to read again every year of my life. There is so much wisdom packed into every page, so much conviction and encouragement about how I relate to God and people, and so much comfort and inspiration in dealing with real heart-break and frustration in the world, I feel no re-reading would be a mere rote exercise.

A Loving Life is a book for anyone and everyone, for any and every occasion. Give it to newlyweds, singles, a struggling married couple, your children or your parents, or anyone you know in need of a little cheer from a loving God who calls us to lead a loving life, just like him.
4 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on November 19, 2017
This may have just come at an especially helpful time in my life, but Paul Miller writes in an accessible and engaging way that somehow convicts and encourages at the same time. Following the story of Ruth, he weaves personal insights into a hard-hitting appraisal of how love requires more of us than we want to give (dying to self) and challenges me to live out of the Gospel in my relationship to my wife, family, ministry team, and neighbors. It is definitely worth the read.
One person found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on January 22, 2014
Paul Miller has found a remedy for broken lives in the Book of Ruth, a part of Scripture often relegated to the annual Women's Retreat. Men take note - you have to read this book. I mean it. There is a remedy for our bitterness and search for respect that shows us how to be a "Real Grown Boaz" man.

Paul Miller has slowly peeled back the layers of a story written in an almost primordial age, and discovers that Ruth provides a crystal clear example of how to love like Jesus. Its "hesed" love. Love without expectations. Love because we commit to another.

With this truth you can re-calibrate. You can trust God because He does not have to meet your expectations to be loved. Once applied to our own relationships, we realize that we do not grow in and out of love. We can simply love. We can live a loving life that is not dependent upon the other person, free to love without the cynical cycle of expectation and let down. Our "me" centered ugly side dissipates, and we begin love others like they need to be loved, not like we want to love them.

If you are tired of insipid relationships, or in a broken marriage, this book will help. If you are struggling to be a loving parent, or taking care of your aging parents, this is the roadmap.

The final bonus is that this book will put you in touch with a Savior who loves you because he has made an unbreakable promise to love you--and that is worth its weight in gold.
244 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

C M T
5.0 out of 5 stars absolutely brilliant book
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 3, 2022
Very detailed but extremely easy to read; the sort of book you don't want to put down and end up going to bed too late. Takes you through the story of Ruth, which i thought I knew well but this book brings to attention all sorts of lovely details I had never noticed before. So encouraging how it relates to our daily life too. An exciting inspiring book full of heart
Karen Winters
5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing!
Reviewed in Canada on August 22, 2019
This book helped me see just how much I’ve bought in to the cultures idea that love is a feeling. It’s so much more! I love how the author weaves together a very Biblical view on love with the story of Ruth and Naomi. I love the illustration of the J curve where I choose to go down into death for the good of another and God raises me up to life. This is a book that I will read again and give away as a gift.
Amazon Kunde
5.0 out of 5 stars Loved it
Reviewed in Germany on October 24, 2020
Wonderful book. Was sad when it was over. It really made me realize how little I love. I recommend this book to anyone like me, who is living in a difficult situation. It gave me hope that things could get better and change with hesed love.
Barbara Bacic
5.0 out of 5 stars A MUST READ...
Reviewed in Canada on November 16, 2014
I got this book for reference in writing my Master's Thesis ...Amazing book ....Highly recommended for any serious library.. This book will literally transform your life and the way you deal with people.. More people need to read it so that our society can improve.
Dorothy
5.0 out of 5 stars Paul Miller challenges the reader to love sacrificially. The demands of love are hard work ...
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 4, 2015
Retelling the story of Ruth, Paul Miller challenges the reader to love sacrificially. The demands of love are hard work and walking this pathway is costly and exhausting. It is a life changing book that leads us to the Saviour and challenges our self centred, safe lives. Through the life of Ruth and Naomi we are pointed to the way that Jesus loved us and died for us. "Hesed "love can transform the way that we live and our relationships with others. This book was a blessing to me and I really recommend it.

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