Preparing for a Kingdom Marriage

A Couple's Workbook to Connecting with God's Purpose

Tyndale House Publishers

Contents

ORIGIN

Section 1: Time with Tony Video Segment

Begin your time together by opening in prayer, then watch the lesson 1 video segment. (See page ix for link.)

Section 2: Study Time

Heart Highlights

Read chapter 1 of Kingdom Marriage individually. Rewrite the following highlights from the chapter in your own words, or, if you prefer, simply reword the statements in a conversation you have with your fiancé at a later time. Make sure to write them or speak them in such a way that they will personally apply to you and your future spouse.

1. The foundation of civilization is the family, and the foundation of the family is marriage; therefore, the destruction of marriage naturally results in the destruction of civilization. This is why it is critical that we make strengthening marriages and families an integral part of our lives.

2. The number one way to bring God glory is through surrender to His sovereign rule. This acknowledges His supremacy over every area of life. When we operate our marriages based on these principles of the kingdom agenda, we are free to experience God's hand of blessing and His promise to work all things together for good (Romans 8:28).

3. The reason so many of us as believers are struggling in our marriages is that we want God to bless our agenda for our relationship rather than us fulfilling His agenda. We want God to okay our plans rather than our fulfilling His. We want God to bring us glory rather than us bringing Him glory through honoring the marriage covenant as He intended it.

4. Happiness is to be a benefit of a strong marriage, but not the goal. The goal is the reflection of God through the advancement of His kingdom on earth. Happiness occurs as an organic outgrowth when this goal is sought.

5. Kingdom couples must view marriage through God's kingdom lens. Marriage is a covenantal union designed by God in order to strengthen the capacity of each partner to carry out His plan in their lives.

Digging Deeper

1. Read Psalm 103:19. In what ways does an earthly king receive allegiance and obedience from those he rules? Compare and contrast how God should receive our allegiance and obedience in all that we think, say, or do.

2. Read Genesis 1:26-28 and Psalm 8:3-6. What does it mean to "rule" on behalf of God's kingdom authority on earth? Describe what "managerial responsibility" looks like as stewards of God's resources such as your time, talents, and treasures.

3. Keeping in mind Philippians 4:13, list the potential areas of your upcoming marriage that are impossible to fix or work out within your own power.

4. In what way does Matthew 19:6 address issues of priorities in a marriage?

5. First Corinthians 7:4 is not a license to control or dominate each other in a marriage. Describe what is meant in this passage and how this verse can and should be honored in your relationship as a married couple.

Section 3: Personal Time

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

GENESIS 2:24

You and I can't improve on God's idea for anything. God created the covenant of marriage, so we will have greater power and greater pleasure in our marriages when we follow His plan. The foundational thought of marriage is simple: leave, join, and become one. Notice the reason for the closeness of the marriage union according to Genesis 2:23-24. A man is to join himself totally to his wife "for this reason," because woman "was taken out of Man" (verse 23). Woman came from man's flesh; thus a man and wife are to become one flesh again.

The tragedy today is that a lot of people have these words read at their weddings, but they don't know all that is involved. In particular, too many young people who get married have not really left their parents emotionally, and even at times financially.

Ask yourselves: Is your mate a nice addition to your life, or is he or she your life?

When you are married, you must be willing to place second in your life anything or anyone that seeks to be more important than your spouse. Now, that doesn't mean you sit around all day and look into each other's eyes. No, but it does mean that your priority shifts to making the needs of your spouse more important than the needs and demands of other things in your life, outside of God Himself.

Reflect & Respond

Spend a few moments discussing with your fiancé the answers to the following questions based on this week's devotional thought.

1. In your own words, what does it mean that "a man shall leave his father and his mother"?

2. What are some ways people do not leave their parents when they get married, and how can that prove to be detrimental to their marriage relationship?

3. Think about and share who/what you feel will be the most challenging person(s) or thing(s) for you to place beneath the priority of your new marriage. (Note: It may not be your parents. It could be a friend, job, dream, hobby.)

4. Discuss why or how this could be a challenge to you. What has this particular commitment meant to you in the past?

5. Come up with ways to hold each other accountable to the priority of the marriage relationship, in light of other commitments and attachments in your life. Give yourselves freedom to remind each other of the priority of your marriage in a non-controlling, respectful way.

Section 4: Take-It-In Time

Mentor Moment

Couples who stick together understand that marriage is a sacred and solemn mystery in the eyes of God. As a result, they enter the relationship with the attitude that divorce is not an option. They understand that marriage is a lifelong adventure, filled with triumphs and defeats. Like Jesus, "who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame" (Hebrews 12:2), they press on toward the goal in both good times and bad.

1. If you had to define "marriage," what words would you use? What makes marriage unique and different from any other human relationship?

2. How would you describe your "long view" of your relationship? Where do you see yourselves in five years? Ten years? Twenty?

3. When you run into obstacles, roadblocks, or conflicts in your marriage, what will be your "default" reaction? Will you get angry? Run home to Mother? Blame one another? Or will you look for ways to solve the problems and move forward?

4. Did you see lifelong commitment modeled in your family of origin? How has your experience affected your view of this concept? In the Marine Corps they say, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going." Does this maxim apply to marriage? If so, how? Would you describe your future marriage as an adventure? Would you like to make it more adventurous? If so, how?

5. The Bible says, "A man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). What do you think it means to be "one flesh"?

Section 5: Time Together

Date Night Discussion

Summary Statements: Set aside time to explore the following summary statements and reflection questions in the context of a date or while sharing a meal. Open your discussion time in prayer, asking the Lord to draw you both together in alignment under Him. Begin by reading these foundational principles aloud to each other. Afterward, discuss what they mean to you personally and how you want them to be displayed in your marriage. Finally, discuss the Talking Topics that follow the foundational principles.

• The kingdom agenda is the visible manifestation of the comprehensive rule of God over every area of life.

• Every thought, word, or action in our marriage must align itself under God's rule and within His will and purpose for our lives, both individually and together as one.

• Our marriage shares a mission, not just our emotions.

Talking Topics: Take time to discuss what you believe is your personal calling. If you do not yet know your calling, discuss what your gifts, skills, experiences, passions, and interests are and how those may intersect in bringing glory to God. Share how you hope that your marriage will strengthen each of your individual callings and purposes, and if there are any points of convergence in your callings where they could be carried out together.